If you have the pleasure of watching young kids, you’ll know that they are the centre of their own Universe.
That all changes when their brain waves switch to a different frequency. This normally happens at the age of 7.
They compare themselves to others.
This helps them process information and clarify where they are in relation to others, but, it can also add to feelings of lack and unworthiness.
My own kids often comment that so and so are better than them at maths, or such and such has more friends.
So, I try to remind them that the only person they should compare themselves to, is themselves.
I explain that if they always compare themselves to others, then they’ll be worse off than some and better off than others.
Either way, it doesn’t clarify anything. It doesn’t help them.
Yet, the education system seems to emphasise ‘comparisonitis’ with pupils being constantly graded. There’s not enough emphasis on unique gifts and qualities.
Kindness, compassion and creativity fall by the wayside.
So, if you or your child fall into the trap of comparisonitis, here’s what you can do:
- Start keeping track of what you do well. I call it a success journal. I make a note of the little things and big things that I can be proud of. When I need a pick-me-up, I read through my journal.
- Praise your child and yourself for the efforts you make, not the results. This ensures that you don’t tie your worth to results, or see your worth dependent on criteria. This is really important around exam results. If your child doesn’t get the grades they wanted, let them know that there are many ways to achieve their dreams. Focusing on a poor result and doubting themselves will only hold them back.
- Know that there’s no such thing as failure, only feedback. I’ve often felt like a ‘failure’ in my business when focusing on my earnings. I’ll be honest, I give things away for free more than I should. But, if I focus on how many people I’ve helped and what difference I can make to others, I can feel successful. I look at the feedback I’ve got from clients and carry on. What can you learn from your ‘failures’? The lessons we learn from so-called failures often help us grow the most.
I hope this helps.
If you try these tips and need a little bit extra help, my meditation for exam results works wonders. It’s just £5.99 and you’ll get a MP3 to listen to, one version with background music and one version without.